SAY CHEESE! How NOT to have a photoshoot...

Great photographer + professional camera + beautiful location= Good family photo shoot

The above equation should be true. But unfortunately, we know how to make any ordinary activity into a whirlwind of adventure.

Here's a play-by-play on how to have
the most memorable (i.e. worst) photo shoot EVER:

Attempt I

• Plan photo shoot for evening of 1st day of summer in apple orchard; make sure temps are high and humidity is higher (so much that you feel you're actually swimming in the air).
• Have towel handy to stop and wipe sweat dripping down everyone's faces within the first 5 minutes.
• Bribe toddler with candy each time he smiles: this inevitably results in him hiding his head from the camera to spite us, or "complying" with our request by throwing his head back and laughing like an evil villain.
• Forget to bring anything for photographer to distract baby with. He will be too distracted looking elsewhere or trying to pull grass off the ground anyways.

Attempt II

• Since neither child is willing to look and smile at the camera, take a break by getting shots of the kids together and individually.
• Toddler will continue with his villainous goofing off.
  
• Put baby on unlevel grass, where he will roll over with his face in the grass. In the next 5 minutes, baby will break out into hives, at which he will not be able to keep from scratching the right side of his face remainder of day.

Attempt III

• Hike a few minutes away to get to beautiful scenery and pond.
• Try more family pictures. Toddler may almost respond to bribes/threats, but adds in the "pirate stink-eye". Baby will keep scratching hives on face.
• Let it rain. Hide under wimpy tree while heavy rain pummels you.
• At first let-up of rain, run towards parked cars (through the orchard and up the big hill)
• Stop again under another tree as rain starts pouring again. Send husband to run get car and drive over grass to rescue photographer/camera, wife, and crying children.
• Wait in car until raining stops. Back car up, allowing hidden metal stake in ground to scratch whole side of car (luckily, same side Ethan already got to with his bike).

Attempt IV

• Muster up enough courage to try for a few more pictures in front of picturesque barn, despite SOAKING clothes, cranky kids, and humid-soaking-fro-of-a-hairdo.
• Try family photos again. Uhh. Decide we won't be inviting children under the age of 3 to our next family portrait session.
• Strive for one last shot of boys together. Sit both on bench, trying to stay close enough to catch anyone that jumps.
• Jump up and down, yell, sing, dance, trying to get boys to look at camera.
  
• Baby will find something more interesting on ground, and try to touch it, doing a FACE PLANT into cement ground 2 feet below!
  
• Hold in tears while trying to comfort traumatized and wounded baby, decide whether or not ER visit was necessary (luckily, we got to skip that).
• Pay photographer.
• Go home.
• Cry.

Reshoot

• Luckily, photographer is nice enough to do a quick re-shoot since the devil and his minions ganged up against us in our last shoot.
  
• Repeat children refusing to look at camera.
• Snap a few good ones.
• Sigh in relief.
• Avoid the tendency to remember that this type of event must be repeated yearly.

And my favorite picture...